textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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