I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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