What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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