I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
