Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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