Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
