Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
