the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize