what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
