Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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