Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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