I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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