Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
