Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
