There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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