Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
