I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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