Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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