Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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