Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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