Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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