i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
