I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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