im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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