I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
