I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's blow job season.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
