you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
