We got so high we made milksteak
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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