can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
