I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
