Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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