very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
