Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
