What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
