dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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