I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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