you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
