I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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