Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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