All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize