i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I need water and some morals
Randomize
