Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
