I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
