He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
