he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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