I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
