guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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