Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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