I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
