Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
