True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
