Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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