God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
