i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
