i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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