My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
