I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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