I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
