im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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