yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
