so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
