What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
