I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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