Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
