i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
