He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
