woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
