i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
