i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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