remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Randomize
