So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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