Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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