I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
