i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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